Monday, November 16, 2015

God's Voice through a broken down car- Part 2

(continued from Part 1)

The morning grew hectic with each waking child. 
Baths, breakfast, prayers, lost shoes that should have been out the night before, redoing outfits that were chosen in what seemed like the dark, and  homework and charts that needed last minute signing. And of all mornings I decided my two youngest needed haircuts.  I know ,I know....
In the middle of buzzing away at the last head- my two oldest who should have been at school 30 minutes ago bound into the bathroom. 
I greet them with wide-eyes.
"The bus hadn't come yet."
"Wha-?" ( apparently this was all I could muster as I worked to focus on evening out the hair, on the little peanut head, of the 2 year old sitting on the sink.)
I now had to take them to school. Not a big problem except I had a  staff meeting at work in an hour or so. Not a problem.
I was able to get the others on their buses just in time, then I quickly changed, and jumped in the car. It turned over like an old dog who found a comfortable position for the first time in the night and refused to move. It started. Seconds later a car pulled up behind me. I recognized one of the young boys from the bus stop as he stepped out. He began walking with purpose to the door. I rolled down my window to find out his mom was offering to take the kids to school. It's what he said that got me.
"My mom was seeing if they needed a ride to school, so it can save you money." I got out the car and signed a thank you to the angel mom, as I waved the kids out of the truck.
They scrambled out and I thought, weird, why say, save you money-  not gas or time, or anything else. Hmm. I shrugged it off and was thankful I had a moment to really get my self together before I headed out to work for this morning meeting. 
I walked in the house with a now upset J who was excitedly prepared to go on a ride in the car. 
Image result for stressedHe was very upset. Very.
He cried and cried. I tried to entice him with food as I cooked Oatmeal on the stove. 
He cried. I talked softly, refusing to escalate. 
 He cried. I told him we get to go somewhere in 30 minutes. 
 He cried. Then he began to really get into it. Did something just pop in my head? Anxiety peaked- my eyes widened. I was ready to join in the tirade. Deep breath. 
"J, what's wrong?" 
"I peed myself" he bawled. " I peed myyy-selllf." I looked down as a puddle continued to form around his shoes. I'm thinking, we just put clean clothes on you. I smiled. I spoke softly." J, it's OK, it happens to the best of us." Really mom? Cuz yeah I pee myself all the time-. "We just need to get you some clean clothes on OK?" He looked down, now crying at his all time favorite boots. 
"My shoes, my shoes wat."
"It's alright, we can wash them OK? Let's throw them in the washer with your clothes." As soon as I walked to  put his shoes in the washer, he burst into a wail. 
"I want my shoes!!!! My shoes!!!" Tension shoots up my neck. Jesus. Deep breath. 
"J, your shoes are getting cleaned, and I'm not going to tolerate this behavior, you understand? You are OK. Now shut that noise!" He quieted down to a whimper. I put him in the tub and had him out and dressed in minutes.

Ok- so during all this I'm thinking, he must be tired, or hungry, or just- I don't know what, but there's no way I can take him with me to work like this. No way! So I'm in a dilemma. I look and it's 9 AM. God, I really need an answer here. Should I take him and hope for the best? Should I call and say I can't make yet another staff meeting? What do I do?
I texted my boss. Message was misunderstood. I emailed. No answer. I called the direct line. No answer. 9:15. Oh well. I have to just- go.
"Come on, J." 
We get in the car. I turn the key. Click-click-click-click-click.
No way. Again. Click-click-click-click-click.
Nooooooo! I scream silently.
One more time. Stop. I threw up my hands and laughed. 
"Alright!" I yell. I jerk out of the car, yank open the back door and slow down enough to get J out of his seat. 
"I wanna gooooo!" he begins.
"Well we can't J- the car won't work. But you can watch TV when we go in OK?"
Back in the house, again, I take a deep breath. Then it dawned on me. I can't go. I nodded my head as the reality sunk in. You know what? That's the answer to my question. Should I go? Apparently no. 
 " Father, see this, this is good. You're speaking to me. I wish you'd speak to me as clearly about everything else. This- I love this! Thank you! "
I tried my boss on the job line again. She answered. She understood. She filled me in. I had peace when I hung up.  I looked up. I smiled. 

"Mo-ommy! the te-vision not working!"
Image result for be anxious for nothing"Coming J!" 
Father, you got this right?
9:30 AM....

God's voice through a broken down car- Part 1

6:15 AM. The house should have been stirring per my middle-schoolers, but no sign of them even attempting to wake up yet. I was admittedly relieved. I wasn't in a rush.
Then without fail, a number of things that needed to be addressed  during the day suddenly flooded my brain.
Oh yeah the kids need lunch money.
Oh and the car needs gas so I can get to my meeting at work.
Oh I didn't get a sitter... I guess I have to take J with me, but- is that OK?
Oh! are there leftovers for hubby's lunch?
Aw man- I need to buy tickets to the kids school play for the fam- do we have enough?

Aahhh! I wanted to go rouse my husband to go down the list.
I stopped.
The voice of the Lord said PRAY.
I went into the living room, knelt at the couch and began to talk to the Lord.
Father, I'm tired of worrying. I'm giving it you today, soooo it's all in your hands.
The peace of God was so covering. Like a weighted blanket, I could feel God's comfort. I gave him the worries of the day, and got up renewed. Then I read Jeremiah 33 and Psalm 65, and I read it again as I feel the Lord's assurance sweep over me.I thought, why can't I do this everyday. This sure feels good to have a light feeling about my shoulders.6:45 AM.

See the night before I spent some time in deliberation with the Lord trying to convince myself and him that I wasn't as much worried as I was concerned. For some reason this thing about "worrying too much" and "trying to control everything" and "worry is a sin" kept coming up like a theme in my life lately. I decided we needed to really talk this out.
Father, I really don't want to worry, it's just- aren't we supposed to look ahead? Aren't we supposed to, you know, plan things? So how can we plan things for tomorrow, yet not take thought for tomorrow. I'm totally confused! What do you expect me to do? Not think about tomorrow? I am good at the part of the verse where it says 'but in everything with prayer and supplication make your requests known to you" but that first line gets me. Be anxious for NOTHING?  I mean let's say I have 3 pounds of chicken . Do I make it all, with the thought- the Lord will provide or do I make half, so I can half left over for tomorrow? I mean I can't just pray and do nothing, right? right?

Yeah it kind of went on  like that for an hour. I started rambling- just a little. I clearly heard God's voice interrupt my thoughts-
 "Be still."  I stopped. I sighed. I obliged- for a second.  Then-
 "OK, Father, but.."
"Be still."

I don't clearly recall the sequence, but somehow the phrase "call upon the name of the Lord" came up in our conversation. I remember asking him. What does that really mean? Then he led me to Jeremiah 33:3
 ‘Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.’
This spoke volumes to me. I read it again, then read the verses after and verse 6 almost brought me to tears with its comfort.
 Behold, I will bring it health and healing; I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of peace and truth.
God was literally speaking to me through his WORD. I felt faith increase as I decided to walk by faith and allow him to control my affairs for the next day- one day at a time. Let's see what the day brings. 
Fast forward to 6:15 AM this morning. I had to put my declaration into action.

Click here for Part 2