I humbly but cautiously received a compliment from a friend the other day when she said, you're an awesome mom.
My first thought? If you only knew
My second thought? Well I AM in some state of AWE at myself at the end of the day ( chuckle, chuckle)
After laying the last one down for the night, and the quiet that seemed to avoid the day softly sweeps in, I think to myself: How did I do that?
It's only by HIS GRACE. It's only by HIS STRENGTH.
Listen while you readSometimes you don't want to speak of some of the realities, in fear of painting a bleak picture of raising children, or being a stay at home mom, or doing anything worth doing.
The truth is, how this is done, without the help of the Lord, without the Holy Ghost, mesmerizes me.
I find myself at the foot of my bed on my knees multiple times in the day asking God-OK just tell me what to do, I'll do it. Just write on the wall, or just fire up a tree- I just want to know what to do. Because, half the time, I don't feel confident that I know what to do.
I feel, some days, I am just not built for this, I must be broken, because shouldn't this come naturally?
For example, simple yes or no questions send me into a mental whirlwind. How will this affect them, Is it necessary or wait, is it necessarily NOT necessary? Is this inconveniencing me? Am I mean if I say no just because i'm not in the mood right now? Is this going to harm someone? Does it really matter if they don't like me? I'm their mother. What would my mom have done? Jesus what would you do? OK yes have an orange- (haha)
I laugh but I'm serious.
"Jesus what would you do?"
I marvel at how much I get done in a day and how much I don't get done.
My head feels like it will explode some days because I just can't do what I planned. But then I realize that the things I do get to do, are usually all that is needed
All that is needed... .( Hmm, does that mean I'm growing up, maturing, learning?)
To be the mother God chose for these precious six souls, is all that is needed. My unique personality, as flawed as I find it to be, my perks, and my highs and lows, are all part of the grand make up for each and every one of my lambs. God gave me to them, as much as he gave them to me.
I still try to cram in too much in a day- be everything for everyone, do everything for everyone....but my first ministry is my house and home....
So I am at the foot of his mercy seat everyday- wishing I could wish away my imperfections and my mess-ups. Wishing I could just know all the right answers and respond all the right ways, at the right times, in the right tones, to the right persons.
God in his infinite wisdom knew I would need to be, each moment, baptized in his Grace. I thank my God, that he loves even me, and his strength is made perfect in my weakness; his grace is sufficient for my everyday moments, chaotic and peaceful, and in-between. Every moment in his hands.
And the conclusion is this (enjoy):