Teaching Moments- Safe in his Grip

There I was sitting on my knees in the dim light of the early morning. The light that tried to push its way through the slits of the blinds just made it seem, foggy. Or maybe it was my mind that was foggy- still trying to shake off sleep. Whichever it was, I felt like the psalmist David whose pillow was made a pool by his tears. 

I risk baring the naked truth here, yet I was at a point in my mind where I could not see the worth in this set apart life. I was growing weary I suppose with all the doing well. Where is the reaping, God, I thought. I feel constrained rather than liberated. I feel imprisoned rather than free. Yes, yes I know the right response, but it failed to be a heart response at the moment. 

Then Baby J ran in the room, or it could have been Z- but that detail doesn't matter. He went to, let's say,  play with a a plug and I grabbed his hand. . He struggled to free his hand from mine and his struggle only tightened my grip. As he relaxed and submitted to my grasp, my grip loosened to a casual hand hold. As soon as he lunged toward the plug, I gripped his hand ( also popped his hand), and instructed him to sit beside me and he did. 

Then it dawned on me. When I  feel the grip of God, for instance, as opposed to his hold, could it be because I'm struggling against his protection, and against his grace? The times I feel imprisoned rather than held, could it be just the arms of grace bracing me from the hit of my own fall? I suppose it's just like the times my father threw his arm out across my chest firmly to brace me from the force of an abruptly tapped brake, though I was strapped in.

 Hmm. 

Suddenly my perspective shifts. When I feel trapped by Him rather than simply held by Him, it reveals I am longing for something outside of Him. Because of free will, there is nothing wrong with this longing in of itself, but this longing is fruitless, because outside of God, there is nothing worth going after. Outside of God, is a hopeless existence. In God is hope-filled living. The pleasurable things this lawless age has to offer appear appealing for the sake of drawing the flesh. The appeal is in giving in to the entitlement of the flesh, which which is rooted in pride. It in turn is rooted in idolatry. We think, I can do what makes me feel good- I am my own god. This is a dangerous pit to fall into, and it only takes one moment to send us there. It only takes one moment of  wallowing in self-pity. 

Commitment is a decision. Not a one time decision, but a " I die daily" like Paul, decision. Everyday we have to be renewed in the Spirit, and renewed in our convictions and commitment to the cause of Christ- ups and downs alike. See in this life we will have trouble, but with Christ we overcome those troubles rather than those troubles overcoming us.

Maybe you feel defeated, or conflicted, or constricted and feel like you are ready to throw in the towel with this set-apart life- this holy life- the Christ-following life. 

Maybe.

But what if God is trying to teach you something in the moments around you. Listen and you just might find a perspective where you can see yourself and your situation and others around you through the Savior's eyes.