Do you under-stand?
I recently told my husband that I feel like I can not connect to our son. He is only 8 for crying out loud- I didn't expect this until, well, not anytime soon. I feel for my son, being the only boy , for now, of four children. He is the oldest. So much is demanded of him, not because he is the oldest, but because I have seen what he is capable of.
Overall, he has a big compassionate heart, he loves the feeling of helping. He is a guys guy for sure though. He likes to get his work done, so he can sit back and relax and meander the rest of the day away on video games.
Beside these things- I sometimes feel like I don't really know who he is . Our discourse is made of me "reminding" him- over and over and over- about everyday things.
"Make sure you close your drawers, hon"
"Are you going to sit down while you eat that?"
" You just walked over that, you can pick it up."
"Make your bed."
"Is your room clean according to my definition or yours?"
Moan, Groan, bah humbug. I feel badly sometimes that I come off as the merciless dictator whose only motive is to burden him with trivial tasks for the sake of pure misery. I feel like he looks at me and sighs a big sigh.
So yesterday during one of his normal morning moaning sessions, I said
"Come in here son. What's going on: What's wrong? Why every time I turn around you are moaning and groaning and harumph-ing about the house?"
He says, "Well..." and proceeds to say things that I so much want to rebut. I want to say, " But you're 8!" I want to say, " I know it doesn't make sense now, but you'll understand later." I didn't. I smiled. I listened. I focused on listening. Listening to more than what he was saying from his mouth, but trying to hear his heart. It was hard. He's eight. Most of it surprised me. It left me wondering if he really felt the way he said or was it just to have something dramatic to say, with mom as my personal audience. He wondered if I would still pay attention to him and his siblings after the baby. He said he is sad for me when I have to say no to them about things they ask, because he knows I really don't want to say no. It sounded like he heard some things and was projecting them as his own. What surprised me was I thought he was going to say, things like
"I'm always getting in trouble" or
" You're always telling me to do stuff" Nope. Hmm. The conversation left me with question marks. The conversation also left me feeling oddly bonded to him. It wasn't what was said, it was just that there was something said. We talked.
Me, mom, standing still, and listening, made him feel appreciated, and listened to. Later he said,
"that was a good talk, mom." And I said , " Yes, it was very nice- we should do that more often."
It took under-standing, or standing under; a humble act of self-lessness, to give him my attention and time.
Understanding is more than being able to comprehend, it is a humbling- it says right now, I stand under you, for you are more important than _______.
"Trust in the Lord with all you heart and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and He will direct your path."
Overall, he has a big compassionate heart, he loves the feeling of helping. He is a guys guy for sure though. He likes to get his work done, so he can sit back and relax and meander the rest of the day away on video games.
Beside these things- I sometimes feel like I don't really know who he is . Our discourse is made of me "reminding" him- over and over and over- about everyday things.
"Make sure you close your drawers, hon"
"Are you going to sit down while you eat that?"
" You just walked over that, you can pick it up."
"Make your bed."
"Is your room clean according to my definition or yours?"
Moan, Groan, bah humbug. I feel badly sometimes that I come off as the merciless dictator whose only motive is to burden him with trivial tasks for the sake of pure misery. I feel like he looks at me and sighs a big sigh.
So yesterday during one of his normal morning moaning sessions, I said
"Come in here son. What's going on: What's wrong? Why every time I turn around you are moaning and groaning and harumph-ing about the house?"
He says, "Well..." and proceeds to say things that I so much want to rebut. I want to say, " But you're 8!" I want to say, " I know it doesn't make sense now, but you'll understand later." I didn't. I smiled. I listened. I focused on listening. Listening to more than what he was saying from his mouth, but trying to hear his heart. It was hard. He's eight. Most of it surprised me. It left me wondering if he really felt the way he said or was it just to have something dramatic to say, with mom as my personal audience. He wondered if I would still pay attention to him and his siblings after the baby. He said he is sad for me when I have to say no to them about things they ask, because he knows I really don't want to say no. It sounded like he heard some things and was projecting them as his own. What surprised me was I thought he was going to say, things like
"I'm always getting in trouble" or
" You're always telling me to do stuff" Nope. Hmm. The conversation left me with question marks. The conversation also left me feeling oddly bonded to him. It wasn't what was said, it was just that there was something said. We talked.
Me, mom, standing still, and listening, made him feel appreciated, and listened to. Later he said,
"that was a good talk, mom." And I said , " Yes, it was very nice- we should do that more often."
It took under-standing, or standing under; a humble act of self-lessness, to give him my attention and time.
Understanding is more than being able to comprehend, it is a humbling- it says right now, I stand under you, for you are more important than _______.
"Trust in the Lord with all you heart and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and He will direct your path."
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